Cyber Monday – 11/27
It is Cyber Monday. It’s the time of year when you can get a great deal today on something you didn’t want yesterday.
In honor of Cyber Monday, Amazon has a Segway on sale for $400 off its regular price. So good news, it’s never been cheaper to look like an idiot.
Yesterday was Cyber Monday, where Americans spent billions of dollars while shopping online. And tomorrow we’ll be celebrating What Did I Buy Wednesday?
National Giving Day – 11/28
What bounces and makes kids cry?
My donation check to Children in Need.
Want to be Invisible to other people? Just stand in the doorway of a supermarket holding a charity tin.
A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call.
“Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?”
The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?”
“Um, no,” mumbled the director.
“Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?”
“I … I … I had no idea.”
“So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?”
National Mississippi Day – 11/30
Q: Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey, so what did Delaware?
A: I don’t know, Alaska.
Q: What has 4 eyes and cannot see?
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Dumb Mississippi Laws:
- Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
- Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
- Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine. -Sec. 97-35-37
- Columbus – The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
- Oxford – It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session.
- One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square.
- Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited.
- Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses.
- Tylertown – It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.
National Pie Day – 12/1
Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Q: If it took six kids one hour to eat all the apple pies in the bakery, how many hours would it take three kids?
A: None because the six kids ate them all already.
Q: What’s the best thing to put into an apple pie?
A: Your teeth.