National Moldy Cheese Day – October 9th
Q: Which hotel to mice stay in?
A: The Stilton.
Q: What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: What do you call cheese from the Middle East?
A: Cheeses of Nazareth
National Cake Decorating Day – October 10th
Q: Why did the students eat their homework?
A: Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
National Take Your Parents to Lunch Day – October 11th
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
National Farmers Day – October 12th
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out standing in his field!
National No Bra Day – October 13th
Q: What did the bra say to the hat?
A: “You go on ahead while I give these two a lift.”
A push-up bra is like a bag of chips. When you open it, it’s half empty.
National Be Bald and Be Free Day – October 14th
Q: What’s the difference between a monkey, an orphan, a prince, and a bald man?
A: A monkey has a hairy parent, an orphan has nary a parent, a prince is an heir apparent, and a bald man has no hair apparent.
Little Billy is eating breakfast one morning and gets to thinking about things.
“Mommy, mommy, why does daddy have so few hairs on his head?” he asks his mother.
“He thinks a lot,” replies his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with such a quick answer to Little Billy’s question.
Or she is until Billy thinks for a second and asks, “So why do you have so much hair?”
Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A: “Thanks, I’ll never part with it!”
National Grouch Day – October 15th