National Cheeseburger Day – September 18th
Q: What prize do you get if you eat at McDonald’s for 30 Days Straight?
A: A Heart Attack!!
Q: Can a hamburger marry a hot dog?
A: Only if they have a very frank relationship!
Q: How do you make a cheeseburger sad?
A: Make it with blue cheese!
Q: Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately!
Talk like a Pirate Day – September 19th
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.
Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail.
National Centenarian Day – September 22nd
The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.
“How old are you?” a tenant asked.
“I’m 81 years old,” he answered.
The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”