Labor Day – September 4th
My wife came home from work yesterday and was raging about her boss. She said to me, “I’m never going to work for that man again!”.
I asked her, “Why, what did he say to you?”
She said, “You’re fired.”
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end… it’s Labor Day Weekend
Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken.
My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day. Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer.
He said to me, “You can’t drink while you’re working.”
I said, “Oh, don’t worry – I’m not working.”
Cheese Pizza Day – September 5th
Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
Q: How do you fix a broken pizza?
A: With tomato paste.
Q: What does an aardvark like on its pizza?
Q: How do you get the college grad off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza
Beer Lover Day – September 7th
Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A Budweiser in each hand!
Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives.
The frat boys thought about it and one shouted out,”I wish the ocean was a sea of beer.” And it happened.
A litle while later the other one shouted,”Great, now we have to pee in the boat!”
There’s a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.
The president of ‘Budweiser’ orders a Bud, the president of ‘Miller’ orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody’s amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!
“Why don’t you order a Guinness?” his colleagues ask.
“Naah. If you guys won’t drink beer, then neither will I.”
An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says: “I will give you three wishes.”
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says: “I want a beer that never is empty.”
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says: “I want two more of these.”