National Bow Tie Day – August 28
National Toasted Marshmallow Day – August 30
NICK: What a nightmare — I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow.
RICK: What’s so bad about that?
NICK: When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
National Matchmaker Day – August 31
Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another customer who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date.
One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy’s table and introduced the two. Then she watched, in amazement, as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, “Hellooooh, Sandy.”
“You guys know each other?” Barbie asked.
“We sure do,” said Mike. “She’s my sister.”
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years. “Mr. Avery, don’t leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you’ll meet and be married in no time!” says the Matchmaker.
“Don’t bother,” replies Mr. Avery, “I’ve two sisters at home who look after all my needs.”
“That’s all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife.”
“I said ‘two sisters’. I didn’t say they were mine.”