Here is a great post from Dan Alatorre on the subject of adding suspense to your writing through fine-tuning
Using my unreleased manuscript An Angel On Her Shoulder, I am showing you step by step how to rework your story into a more readable, more enjoyable piece – and putting real examples of my own writing out there to highlight it. (To start at Chapter 1, click HERE.)
To view it best, bring up the two versions in different windows and see them side by side, comparing each paragraph and its twin, to see what was changed.
Then give me your thoughts in the comment section.
Here, you’ll see a slight rearranging of who knows what, which makes you now see Doug in a slightly different light.
Chapter 8, “FINAL”
My wife had never been so happy to be leaving a winery.
Mallory arrived with the replacement van, and had already made arrangements to get us back into the hotel we had checked out…
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