This post by Dan Alatorre will help you with adding emotions to your writing
Using my unreleased manuscript An Angel On Her Shoulder, I am showing you step by step how to rework your story into a more readable, more enjoyable piece – and putting real examples of my own writing out there to highlight it. (To start at Chapter 1, click HERE.)
Here’s what I did this time.
We needed some emotion to enhance the scene (and for other reasons I’ll mention at the bottom so as not to be a spoiler) so I added it. See the differences between the two versions and get a feel for how your reader benefits from having a character become emotional.
To view it best, bring up the two versions in different windows and see them side by side, comparing each paragraph and its twin, to see what was changed.
Then give me your thoughts in the comment section.
An Angel On Her Shoulder,
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Author Don Massenzio 