A young man joined the military. Soon after he got to boot camp he realized he’d made a big mistake. It must have taken a toll on him because soon enough the stress of boot camp had pushed the young man over the edge.
The recruit started riding a pretend motor scooter making motor sounds and beeping a pretend horn. The military decided to discharge the young man due to his instability. As the young man was leaving the base for the last time he rode his pretend motor scooter. When he got to the front gate he stopped and put down the pretend kick stand.
He turned off the pretend key and started to walk away. The guard said, “Hey, what about your motor scooter?”
The young man replied, “I only needed it to get me out of here, it’s all yours.”
At the local machine shop, Jim was a long time employee who took a new kid under his wing. Ryan, the new hire, was 20 years younger than Jim. He appreciated Jim’s help in teaching him the ins and outs of working in a machine shop. They became fast friends, and after a few days decided to hit the local pub together for lunch. They picked a table near the bar, and while they were waiting for their drinks, Ryan noticed an ornery looking guy at the end of the bar staring at him.
“Wonder what that guys problem is,” Ryan said to Jim.
“His name is Vic. A mean son of a gun if you’ve ever seen one. He’s about your age, and I’ve known him pretty much his whole life. Always looking for trouble.”
Sensing that they were talking about him, Vic called over to Ryan, “You talking to me?”
Ryan said to Jim, “I think he’s looking for a fight. What should I do?”
“Well,” said Jim, “when I was your age, I was about your size. Twenty years ago I could’ve whooped him.”
“If you say so!” Ryan gets up and walks toward Vic. As he approached him, Vic hauls off and bam! Vic Knocked Ryan out cold. As Vic was being escorted out of the bar by bouncers, Ryan was coming to at the table where Jim was applying a cold compress to his jaw.
“I thought you told me 20 years ago you could’ve whooped him,” Ryan said.
“I sure could have,” Bill replied. “But 20 years ago, Vic would have been 10!”
A elderly lady, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”
The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”
“Well, that’s okay, I’ll just look the other way,” she said.
The bartender then showed the elderly lady to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give her a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”